


soar

by iamyourmagician



Category: Midnight Train (Video Game)
Genre: Bonding, Gen, Lowercase, Spoilers, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:47:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28900638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamyourmagician/pseuds/iamyourmagician
Summary: the sky up above has returned to her side, but there’s something she longs for that will always remain in her heart alone.january 23 : happy birthday, diana <3(this fic includes spoilers for the entirety of midnight train.)
Relationships: Diana Lovelace & Apollo Carson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	soar

**Author's Note:**

> tfw you compile all the bdays of the characters so you can write something for them every time a bday comes around and then you miss copycat’s
> 
> originally this was supposed to be more of an introspection on diana and cynthia, something similar to "dear angel; dear dreamer", but as i continued writing i decided i wanted to focus more on diana and apollo instead! i really like how many similarities they have and i think that despite their differences i’d love to see them get along.
> 
> diana’s backstory wasn’t explored in ch1, which is really tragic! the majority of the lore i’ve included in this fic has been sewed together in a strange way? as i’ve been paying attention to the midnight train tumblr blog’s asks for years, i’ve pieced most of it together from the answers i’ve seen from them, while other bits and pieces are just my headcanons lmao. as always, my interpretations of the characters are biased towards my own experiences
> 
> also apollo swears a bit more severely than he does in canon but Well,
> 
> happy birthday diana!!! ilysm!!

there are two very specific situations in which diana is willing to face the world with both eyes.

one is when she’s stargazing. considering all her days spent with her head down, her eyes glued to the pages of a book, she eventually feels a need to look up. and when she does, the sun has set, and she’s alone with the night sky. it gazes down upon her, and suddenly, there is no world; the thought of her family is far-away, and the loneliness she carries with her throughout every day seems to melt off of her.

there are the stars, so distant, but they shine to greet her, as if to tell her that she did well that day. as if to say she worked hard, and deserved to rest, and they were here to grant it to her. and so as she walks home, she makes eye contact with nobody, letting her bangs fall to the side of her face. both eyes face the great night sky, for the stars aren’t judgmental. they’ll always be there for her, come what may.

the other situation in which she will pull her hair all the way back no longer occurs. it is a long-gone memory, one that she longs for, one that she sees in that one eye she covers with her chin-length bangs. 

it was when she faced her dear mother.

she misses the days when her heart was aimless; when her mind rushed every which way at school, when she could drown herself in all of her studying, when numbers filled her head. year after year, she buried herself further into the textbooks she was provided, and she thought of little but making her mother proud and being successful. despite all her drive, she had no goal. she hadn’t a clue what she wanted to be when she got older, and her mother would say that was okay; she’d find it eventually.

dinners, spent together. a family of three, sitting around a small table. two laughing voices, a couple of jabs at one who doesn’t listen. and after that, they are separated for the night. diana didn’t pay attention to the sick wheezing as her mother howled with laughter. they were both just having fun, happy and energetic together.

how was it that she could be so blind?

waking up early, ready for school. her teacher needed her to come in before class. diana rose to the task, as always, preparing on her own. she had to be mature, she had to take initiative! so in she walked into her mother’s room, ready to shake her awake, to tell her she was ready to leave! all that was left was for her to take her to school.

and the second she touched her, any semblance of the energy and warmth she had felt the night before disappeared.

there was her mother, cold, and still.

the young girl took a step back, she didn’t know what this meant. days like this, where she needed to wake up her mother, seldom came, but when they did, usually her skin wasn’t nearly so icy. it’s usually soft and warm, a full, unwaking night’s sleep imbued in her every pore. 

diana’s first thought was the tragic movies that she had watched with her parents. when one of the characters on the screen falls, and suddenly they’re entirely unmoving. she remembers when someone else would rest the side of their head upon the unmoving’s chest, and then shake their head no once they rose again. diana has learned that this is because they’re listening for a _heartbeat,_ which means that the person is still alive. so she does the same, clambering atop the bed, straddling her mother’s belly so she can rest her head upon her chest.

_ba-dum. ba-dum._

she was alive. 

weird. just by shaking her, her mother should have woken up. she moved over to the other side of the bed, and she shook her father. he grunted, clearly awake, and she whispered to him.

“daddy, mommy won’t wake up.”

and when he finally got up and attempted to wake her up himself, diana watched his eyes change from tired and clearly bothered to restless and scared.

that was the first time she’d seen him make such a face.

she missed school that day, in favor of a blank-white hospital room, and a mechanic sound that didn’t seem to stop. for hours and hours it went on, and diana was confused. that was her heartbeat. if it kept on going like that, it meant that she was fine, right? she was forced in and out, away from her mother, close to her mother. and whenever she could, she shook her mother again, waiting for her to wake up, waiting for her to smile again…

she learned of an illness that plagued her dear mother. it all happened so fast that she didn’t know what to think.

the next day, she went to school. she found herself wracked with worry, so much so that she couldn’t pay attention at all. when the teacher called her name to present her answer to the class, she flubbed up, and she felt silly and embarrassed; this had never happened before. and in the midst of all that confusion, she missed her mother’s last breath.

from that day forth, she had drowned herself in studies again, and she decided she wanted to pursue medicine. so when she got older, left home, and made more loved ones, she would notice if something was wrong with them the moment they exuded the symptoms for the first time, or mentioned it in passing, _and she could save them._

when she imagines the last smile her mother ever offered to her, she feels a stray tear rushing down her cheek, and she feels a bit lucky that her one long bang is hiding it. it’s been so long, yet she can’t seem to get over it… 

diana had met five people because of the midnight express. that year-and-two-months was the most agonizing of her life, but at the same time, she felt somewhat lucky that she was able to have such an experience, if it meant that she could meet them.

there was neil. the detective, smart, a bit clumsy with his words. his smile shy, his heart trembling, he reminded him of herself. _loveless._ she remembers feeling a pang of jealousy that he had someone by his side all the time, someone he could escape with. now, he was the one she owed it all to; it was because of his brilliant deductions and his love for luna that he managed to keep himself together. and it was because of that strength that she was free.

there was luna. the traveler, who had finally found that place she’d been looking for. her expression cheerful, her eyes kind, yet her mouth sealed shut; she had no voice, but she communicated so well. it was her kind words upon that piece of paper that kept diana sane. diana remembers her tear-stained cheeks, her determined eyes that brought diana back to reality. and even if the time they spent together was little more than a few hours, it was the memory of that sorrowful determination that kept her mind together for a year after.

there was cynthia. a dear friend, who seemed to always be looking into the distance. of somewhat weak stature, she was agile and clever, but it seemed as though it was not enough to let her escape. within the span of two months, diana had found herself going crazy just by being here, but cynthia was strong enough to be on her own for three. and for that, even despite her tragic end, diana admired her.

there was selene. an ex-thief, apparently…? she bounced on her heels and smiled brightly; she swallowed her tears and stayed positive throughout everything. when she spoke about her life, diana felt as if all her own suffering amounted to nothing, but selene assured her that it was all valid. she lived by being positive, and kicking down any obstacle in her way with a hearty laugh.

and then there was apollo, who she thought she would get along the least with. his gaze was harsh, his words were cold. his smiles felt cruel and dishonest, as if he was looking down on her. such people frightened her, and she felt herself cowering a bit in front of him.

but when he actually spoke to her, he was kind and silly. his smile was something she found herself treasuring. and when she found herself feeling down, she went to him for advice.

that day, everyone had gone out for some reason or another. when diana returns, she’s met with apollo, staring out the window into the afternoon sky. it appears he came home first.

she sets down her things upon the dresser, organizing it within her space (when 5 people live together like this, they each have to have their own designated spaces, and things have to be pretty clean!), and then makes her way over to him, settling down by his side.

for a moment, they’re silent. acknowledging each other’s presence, but neither of them saying a word. then apollo speaks up.

“you doing okay there, scientist?”

she jumps. his voice isn’t particularly loud, but the bass of it resonates, and she hadn't been expecting it. selene’s voice is high and hyper, and when she speaks, it feels like everyone’s listening. his voice, however, is subtle and low, and she has to listen in a bit more in order to catch everything he says.

which is sad. she likes listening to apollo speak. everything he says feels important, and she tunes in carefully to catch every word.

“y-yeah. i’m alright. just some things on my mind…”

she usually doesn’t pay attention to the bangs covering her right eye. she knows these phenomena; it’s the same as the human eyes no longer paying attention to the nose right in front of them. but once she’s conscious of it, she realizes she can’t see the sky very well, and it bothers her just a bit. in this world of black and blue, she feels a bit limited, and she tries to ignore it.

she steals a glance at apollo. both of them only see with one eye, she realizes for the second time since meeting him.

she fidgets for a moment, and not long after, he begins to fill the silence once more.

“i don’t think i’ve ever seen celes so happy.” she can feel the warmth in his voice without even looking. “i’m glad that i was there to watch her fly free for the first time.”

when diana looks out the window again, following apollo’s gaze, she realizes that there’s a little lone bird up in the sky. two and two connect, and before she knows it, she can’t tear her eyes away.

“it’s amazing how she actually comes back here, as well,” diana comments absentmindedly. “she must really love you.”

“heh. you know? she has a bit of an affinity for you too.”

“wait, really?” she looks over at him, and he’s almost laughing.

“yeah. of course, i’m her favorite, but the reason for that is obvious. it’s nice that she likes you so much as well.”

“celes is really wonderful. she’s so sweet… so i’m glad.”

diana suddenly realizes she didn’t use the little bird’s full name, and stares avidly at her lap, feeling her face heat up. she’s witnessed neil forget to use celeste's full name, and watched apollo nag on him for doing so. she prepares herself for an upset shout --

...that doesn’t come.

she blinks, looking over at him, but he only continues to stare dreamily at the sky.

“i think she’d be okay with you using that nickname for her,” he says, chuckling.

...it’s this soft side of him that’s diana’s favorite, he feels approachable and gentle, and it makes her feel safe. diana feels herself blushing, and she looks up at the sky as well, having lost sight of celes. she searches the great blue, eyes darting this way and that in an attempt to locate her, but with no luck. and it’s with that strange little realization that diana connects another two and two. celes is trapped no longer, surrounded by love, free from the harshness of the one who heartlessly threw her away.

diana suddenly realizes that she’s… oddly similar to the little bird.

“apollo, what was your childhood like?” she asks, her own floating through her head. she sees her mother’s smile in the darkness of her right eye, and she feels nostalgic. since living here, she feels it's the first time in years she’s been surrounded by so much love, and she remembers her childhood; dreamlike like the present.

“hm… mom and dad were nice. but i think mom had bad taste,” he says, the disdain evident in his voice. the softness of a moment ago is suddenly lost, and diana opens her mouth, preparing to backtrack to the light conversation they’d been having before. but apollo is keen on continuing, so she doesn’t stop him. “she married a policeman after my dad died, and he abused me. so i left home.”

“...i see.” she hesitates. how do you respond to something like that? she decides to somewhat move on from the topic. “did neil telling you he wanted to be a detective irritate you then? i imagine you didn’t have a good view of the police after that…”

“a little, yeah. i thought he was weak, and without conviction. i thought he wouldn’t be able to do a thing that way, you know?”

“what changed your mind?”

“his deduction.” he let out another laugh, and continued. “of course i know why he wanted to become a detective now, but at the time, i doubted the hell out of him. until he faced me, and deduced the truth of my past. i’m obviously a criminal, but he still trusted me, realizing that i had long since repented, and still carried the weight of my crime…” 

now apollo looks wistful. “the police still fuck up sometimes, but damn, neil’s just so emotional. so i think that he’ll judge criminals justly. he considers everything. and luna! man, the two of them make a great team.”

“they do. it’s nice… they realize crimes are crimes, but they factor in the circumstances as well…”

“come to think of it, scientist. what made you start studying medicine? your crime was illegal experimentation, right? i figure that was all in the name of your studies?”

“yeah.” she leans back a bit, sure not to meet his gaze. “my mother died from an illness. i didn’t get along well with my father either, though our relationship wasn’t bad to the degree of yours. in the case that i were to make another loved one and they were to fall ill, i’d want to be able to save them this time.”

“wha- hey, hey. you aren’t blaming yourself for your mom’s death, are you?”

“no, i’m not!!” diana shook her head, and her bangs became disheveled. she quickly pulled them back into place, took a deep breath, and continued. “but… hm. looking back, her symptoms were so obvious. i’m upset at myself for not doing something sooner…”

apollo was silent for a moment after.

“everyone really does have their own story, huh. i remember i didn’t think all that well of you when i first heard about you from neil.”

“huh?”

“i was betrayed in the second building, and tried to help neil and luna by telling them to separate. i asked if there was someone in the first building who tried to steal their pocket watches, and they said yes. i'm assuming they were referring to you? and i used that as an example…”

“h-honestly… i don’t blame you.”

“hey, now, scientist. i don’t think that way anymore. you hadn’t faced anything like that before, and you didn’t have the mindset that selene and i had.”

“still… what i did then was wrong, and i still regret it. i’m so grateful to all of you and your kindness…”

diana is mildly aware that apollo has started calling everyone by their names now. he used selene’s name, obviously, given that they’d known each other for so long. after just a bit of time together with neil in the new apartment, he’d started doing the same for them. but to him, diana isn’t “diana” yet. she’s still just the “scientist” in his eyes…

“you know? you and i have more in common than i thought. i’m surprised.”

“hm?”

“of course, neil tells us to carry our sins on our backs, that we should never forget them. and i agree.” apollo is looking down now, and he stuffs a hand into his coat. “but i’ve met so many people who’ve tried to forget their pasts as well. neil included! he tries not to think about his uncle much, y’know?”

“i don’t blame him. i don’t like thinking about my father, either.”

“but you must be always thinking about your mom, huh? when you study, she’s your motivation.”

“...”

“it’s the same for me. i still feel pretty directionless in my life. i’m not used to living being a given for me. but… man.” he sighs. “aside from all of you, humans have done nothing but betray me from the day i was born. animals, on the other hand, don’t do anything with bad intent. so i think i’ll become a vet.” 

diana leans forward upon the windowsill, crossing her arms and resting her head upon it. she suddenly feels emotional, tears coming to her eyes. “that’s a beautiful dream, apollo. working in healing is so rewarding.”

“you good there, scientist?”

“...i miss my mother.”

apollo is silent, asking for no further explanation from her.

the day is suddenly still, only distant birdsong and city chatter occupying the space. after a moment, apollo crosses his arms upon the windowsill and rests his head next to hers.

“if you wanna talk any more, i’m free to listen. i suck at giving advice, but i can always hear you out.”

it takes diana a moment to respond, and her voice comes out soft and high, holding back her sadness.

“thank you, apollo.”

as the wind blows, her bangs are mussed further and further, and slowly, the world in front of her becomes clearer. with both eyes open, her hair no longer blocking her vision, she stares out, and she silently appreciates how apollo doesn’t comment on it. right now, she doesn’t feel like moving.

when everyone else returns, surely she’ll fix her hair. and she’ll feel lighter, she’ll feel closer to this new friend of hers, who is shockingly similar to her, and surprisingly gentle and caring.

“no problem, diana.”

and she’ll feel warm and happy, knowing that he sees her as a friend as well.

**Author's Note:**

> bro wtf 3.1k? i was expecting like 2k??? this doesn’t feel that long. hecc
> 
> i’m also the one who’s translating midnight train into jp yes. i lost all my progress when i was halfway through ch3 so i’ve started from zero again, i finished ch1 just the other day! i remember going through ch1 the first time and translating it was really fun (esp the deductions -- i like dai gyakuten saiban as well, i write for it too!! and i was definitely inspired by the theater of logic and deduction while translating neil's deductions), but i actually cried while i was translating the last scene with diana. i didn’t like her much when i first went through the game, but now i really love her;;
> 
> super excited to see more of her in the bonus! especially her and apollo. i think their small similarities are really cute, and ofc when i saw diana lighting up at celes in the final cg i like. sobbed? that’s probably my favorite part of the whole cg
> 
> HECC more diana love in this house. Please. i love her sm!!  
> (and to lydia, if you read this; thank you for your hard work all these years!! i hope you're resting well and having fun. i'll be supporting you forever!! i'm looking forward to the bonus and seeing more of these cuties, i adore them to the moon and back;;; i have no money but i hope my writings make you happy at least...!! thank you for reading, and take care of yourself!)
> 
> im @iamyourmagician on twt, come there for mt sobbing lmao


End file.
